on creativity

There’s a pleasant feeling that comes from the back of your neck that makes its way into your head and you feel it in your chest a little bit too. It’s like a smile from the inside. It makes you want to make something. You want to bottle it and have some ready for all the time but unfortunately you can’t and you only feel it some of the time on its own terms. Sometimes you go a long time without it and you worry it’ll never come back.  

It comes out more in the winter when its grey outside. In a rural town that smells like rotting wood or a liquor store in the suburbs at two in the morning. When you see yourself buzzed in the bathroom mirror and like the way you look and walk out with more attitude than when you walked in.

Drinking alone gives some semblance of it. Love or a semblance of love does too. If you can ignore that it’s a costume version of the feeling, then you might be able to make something out of it. But it doesn’t compare to times like now, watching a Western on a Saturday morning with a cup of coffee and nothing else to do.